Standard English

In the new National Curriculum for Primary schools in England and Wales, there is an increased emphasis on the use of standard English, in both speaking and writing. This poem envisages what might happen.

There once was a school in Manchester,

Where folks say,  "We was, " and  "Ya wot?"

But the bloke from Her Maj's inspectorate,

Says, "This really won't do, you lot,

"We were," and "pardon" is how you must say it,

Standard English is how you must speak,

Your children need to be better spoken,

If your targets you are to reach."

So the very next day in assembly,

The head teacher gets everyone in,

And when everyone has gone quiet,

He knew it was time to begin,

"Reet, we've got to all learn to talk proper,(I mean properly)

Like all the posh kids do down South,

Standard English is what they all call it,

So watch what comes out of your mouth.

Don't say, "nowt," say "nothing",

Don't say "swear down," say " it's true."

And only say "dead" if you're actually dead,

Otherwise "very" will do."

But what will this do to our language,

If children must all speak the same?

Summut is wrong,

If we can't sing our song,

And our regional roots we can't claim.

So by all means let's teach them the difference,

For the times they will need formal words.

But when they're at play,

The words that they say,

Should be owt that they like, except swears.